@zimtiki's review of Assassin's Creed Brotherhood
★★½
After finding a secret tomb under the Vatican, Ezio returns home, only to be attacked by Cesare Borgia’s army, the arrogant son of the Pope who Ezio spared. After losing his uncle and his home, Ezio must go to Rome and take down the Borgia’s once and for all. The story, pretty decent, and it gives us insight to the man who made everyone in the world believe that Jesus was a white man with a beard (because all paintings of Jesus are ACTUALLY of Cesare, an incestuous parasite of a man that killed because he could) and shows how cruel and spoiled he truly was. The story is absolutely the best part of the game, and the ending is shocking too. The gameplay though? Oh fucking boy. Let’s talk about this shit. The climbing? It “works.” You’ll jump off random ledges just as much as before, but at least Ezio can make leaps directly behind him now without any input. The combat is the same, but with finishing moves added that are flashy but make the combat hilariously easy. It’s insane watching Ezio kill like 8 people in a row while they do fuck-all to defend themselves, but it does feel kind of bad ass with the neat animations. If combat were most of the game, I wouldn’t mind. But it’s not. It’s barely IN the game. And that’s the biggest problem with this game. In the story mode, about 5% of the missions are fighting, 10% are “go here, then here,” and the other 85% are FUCKING TRAILING MISSIONS. Do you know what that is? It’s a mission where your objective is to follow an NPC across the map, not be seen by them or other guards, and get to their destination. These people will walk slower than your characters main walk, and they will walk UNBELIEVABLE distances with zero dialogue, zero anything, just FOLLOWING THEM VERY SLOWLY. And if they see you, you start over again. Sometimes while you’re following them, Ezio will do one of his bullshit random jumps onto the ground instead of the ledge you were clearly aiming at, and ruin the mission, making you go back to the beginning. This is, no joke, almost the entirety of the game. It’s so boring, it’s so fucking lame, it made me want to turn the game off every single time. This game was a chore to play through because of the campaign missions. The fun parts of the game are supposed to be the MAIN GAME, not the SIDE QUESTS (which are all fucking copy pasted from other areas on the map, making nothing feel unique). This game has a good story but the gameplay is a mess. Rather than making a good 7 hour game, they made a mediocre 20 hour game with a ton of fucking walking. This is a video game, you guys. This shit is supposed to be fun.
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